It is not only the aggrieved partner that needs to learn how to recover from the shock and pain caused by an adulterous spouse. The perpetrator is equally a victim of the affair. It is a myth that only men have affairs. Whom are the ones they’re having their affair with? Affairs are not the product of our times. Infidelity has informed our history, religious stories and culture since time immemorial. Modern technology and freer mingling of the sexes only slightly help. And sometimes that help backfires. As anyone whose ‘secret’ text messages on his cellphone have been discovered by a suspicious partner. Such surprises and insightful observations abound in yet another robust book by renowned relationships counsellor Vijay Nagaswami, in the third of Westland’s ‘New Indian Marriage’ series. More than humour, more than his wit, Nagaswami’s greatest quality is his refusal to point out the villain in any piece. We are all flawed individuals, he reminds us yet again, and sometimes make foolish choices in the heat – or boredom – of the moment. But hope is at hand. We CAN regret, forgive and learn to love again. And, most importantly, cast away our guilt and our recriminations.
