Brief Description
Originally published in 2014 as: The dolphin way.
Learn More about the Book
Winner of the 2015 USA Book News International Book Award for Parenting and Family
In this inspiring book, Dr. Shimi Kang, a Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and an expert in human motivation, provides a guide to the art and science of encouraging children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy, hovering "tiger parents" and permissive "jellyfish parents" actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children's lives to compassionately yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success.
The mother of three children and the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the "best" in life Dr. Kang's mother could not read, her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab, and she was never enrolled in a single extracurricular activity Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest "benefits" parents give their children are the most valuable. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Self-Motivated Kid walks readers through Dr. Kang's four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. She argues that by trusting our deepest intuition about what is best for our kids, we will allow them to develop key traits adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking to empower them to succeed and thrive in our increasingly competitive and complex world."
Review Quotes
1. "Combining scientific research with personal stories, Kang has a soothing and encouraging tone that will appeal to many readers. By encouraging parents to model dolphins, who instruct by play, exploration, social bonds, altruism, contribution, and family and community values, kids will strengthen their own internal compass and have a stronger core with a greater chance at personal success and happiness. "
--Library Journal (STARRED REVIEW)
"With insight, professional expertise and unfailing instinct, Dr. Shimi Kang provides essential guidance in restoring sanity to 21st Century parenting. Compassionate to parent and child, loving and reasoned in its approach, The Self-Motivated Kid is highly readable, emotionally nurturing and intellectually satisfying.
--Gabor Mate, M.D., co-author of "Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers"
"If you're looking for effective but practical strategies to calm the chaos in your kids' lives, foster their internal motivation and truly prepare them to function successfully in the adult work - read this book! Using concrete evidence, Dr. Kang shows why "Tiger" approaches to parenting do more harm than good. Her Dolphin approach will have you and your kids cheering. Highly recommended!"
--Amy McCready, Founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of "If I Have to Tell You One More Time...The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling"
"In The Self-Motivated Kid, Dr. Shimi Kang writes insightfully of the real lives of parents, weaving science with spirit, and embedding highly practical suggestions into every chapter. I highly recommend this book!"
--Michael Gurian, author of "The Wonder of Boys" and "The Wonder of Girls"
"Ready to give your kids back their childhood--the part YOU loved? The joy? The creativity? The afternoons you still remember with such longing? If you're driving your kid to the lessons neither of you likes, instead of giving yourselves BOTH a chance to relax, play or just 'waste' time, it's time to turn around the car. This book is your U-turn to joy."
--Lenore Skenazy, author of the book and founder of the blog "Free-Range Kids"
"The Self-Motivated Kid is an excellent parenting tool to implement in our daily life to help guide our children to be happy and healthy. She focus on adaptability and uses fantastic resources and examples from her own experience to solidify her case. An excellent read through and through. The Self-Motivated Kid is a parenting guide that every home should own."
--Working Mommy Journal
"I think this is a fantastic book to revolutionize your parenting approach."
--Along Came Kids
"Dr. Kang gives us a lot to think about. It's a good read, with eye-opening examples and many practical suggestions for incorporating some of this thinking into your own life. The Self-Motivated Kid offers a roadmap for finding a little more balance in the way we parent, so that we can help our children become happy, successful, independent, and self-motivated adults."
--Daniela Duriavig, Life Over Easy
"I want you to read The Self-Motivated Kid. Unlike trendy books, I believe that it's here for the long-run. It's not a formula or a recipe or a how-to parent, but rather a roadmap for helping our children achieve a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. And really, what more do we want as parents?"
--Mara Shapiro, Be Nice Or Leave Thanks
"This book conveys a lot of information and prompts considerable self-reflection. I found it a very worthwhile read. In addition to the prescriptions, there are lots of great quotations, helpful acronyms and checklists in this book. And beyond prompting parents to assess whether they're happy with the way they're parenting (and if not, to make some changes), it also provides a bit of a road map to help each of us find a little more balance in lives."
--Out and About with the GeoKs
"This book really opened my eyes to the idea that balance in parenting is as important as balance in life. Dr Kang uses evidence based research to make her points about the importance of being an authoritative parent. I feel like this book has made me understand much better the kind of parent that I want to be and I know that it will very dog-eared from all my referencing as my son grows up."
--Emma Finlayson, Savvy Mom
"I would be shocked if this book did not make almost any parents take a long, hard look at themselves and their schedule and the life they are leading and ask some very hard questions. What I can only hope is that parents will implement the answers."
--MBA Mama Musings
"If you were to pick just one book on parenting this year, I would recommen"d "The Self-Motivated Kid."""
--Motherless Moments
2. "What a wonderful contribution to the emerging evolution of conscious parenting! An encyclopedia of research and insights to help parents navigate their parenting journeys!"
--Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of "The Conscious Parent" and "Out of Control"
"Combining scientific research with personal stories, Kang has a soothing and encouraging tone that will appeal to many readers. By encouraging parents to model dolphins, who instruct by play, exploration, social bonds, altruism, contribution, and family and community values, kids will strengthen their own internal compass and have a stronger core with a greater chance at personal success and happiness. "
--Library Journal (STARRED REVIEW)
"With insight, professional expertise and unfailing instinct, Dr. Shimi Kang provides essential guidance in restoring sanity to 21st Century parenting. Compassionate to parent and child, loving and reasoned in its approach, The Self-Motivated Kid is highly readable, emotionally nurturing and intellectually satisfying.
--Gabor MatE, M.D., co-author of "Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers"
"If you're looking for effective but practical strategies to calm the chaos in your kids' lives, foster their internal motivation and truly prepare them to function successfully in the adult work - read this book! Using concrete evidence, Dr. Kang shows why "Tiger" approaches to parenting do more harm than good. Her Dolphin approach will have you and your kids cheering. Highly recommended!"
--Amy McCready, Founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of "If I Have to Tell You One More Time...The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling"
"In The Self-Motivated Kid, Dr. Shimi Kang writes insightfully of the real lives of parents, weaving science with spirit, and embedding highly practical suggestions into every chapter. I highly recommend this book!"
--Michael Gurian, author of "The Wonder of Boys" and "The Wonder of Girls"
"Ready to give your kids back their childhood--the part YOU loved? The joy? The creativity? The afternoons you still remember with such longing? If you're driving your kid to the lessons neither of you likes, instead of giving yourselves BOTH a chance to relax, play or just 'waste' time, it's time to turn around the car. This book is your U-turn to joy."
--Lenore Skenazy, author of the book and founder of the blog "Free-Range Kids"
"The Self-Motivated Kid is an excellent parenting tool to implement in our daily life to help guide our children to be happy and healthy. She focus on adaptability and uses fantastic resources and examples from her own experience to solidify her case. An excellent read through and through. The Self-Motivated Kid is a parenting guide that every home should own."
--Working Mommy Journal
"I think this is a fantastic book to revolutionize your parenting approach."
--Along Came Kids
"Dr. Kang gives us a lot to think about. It's a good read, with eye-opening examples and many practical suggestions for incorporating some of this thinking into your own life. The Self-Motivated Kid offers a roadmap for finding a little more balance in the way we parent, so that we can help our children become happy, successful, independent, and self-motivated adults."
--Daniela Duriavig, Life Over Easy
"I want you to read The Self-Motivated Kid. Unlike trendy books, I believe that it's here for the long-run. It's not a formula or a recipe or a how-to parent, but rather a roadmap for helping our children achieve a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. And really, what more do we want as parents?"
--Mara Shapiro, Be Nice Or Leave Thanks
"This book conveys a lot of information and prompts considerable self-reflection. I found it a very worthwhile read. In addition to the prescriptions, there are lots of great quotations, helpful acronyms and checklists in this book. And beyond prompting parents to assess whether they're happy with the way they're parenting (and if not, to make some changes), it also provides a bit of a road map to help each of us find a little more balance in lives."
--Out and About with the GeoKs
"This book really opened my eyes to the idea that balance in parenting is as important as balance in life. Dr Kang uses evidence based research to make her points about the importance of being an authoritative parent. I feel like this book has made me understand much better the kind of parent that I want to be and I know that it will very dog-eared from all my referencing as my son grows up."
--Emma Finlayson, Savvy Mom
"I would be shocked if this book did not make almost any parents take a long, hard look at themselves and their schedule and the life they are leading and ask some very hard questions. What I can only hope is that parents will implement the answers."
--MBA Mama Musings
"If you were to pick just one book on parenting this year, I would recommen"d "The Self-Motivated Kid."""
--Motherless Moments
3. What a wonderful contribution to the emerging evolution of conscious parenting! An encyclopedia of research and insights to help parents navigate their parenting journeys!
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The Conscious Parent and Out of Control
The perception of today s parents as micromanagers who steal all the oxygen is often correct, and as the research trickles in, we are seeing a generation of kids who are lacking internal control. Award-winning physician Kang shows parents how these kids likened to tiger cubs are 'increasingly dependent on external rewards to stay motivated' and how parents are turning their cubs into the 'overworked, middle-aged.' Kang views this tiger style as 'under parenting' that includes too much 'pushing, pulling, directing, instructing, scheduling, and monitoring.' Seeking to right the scales, the author shows parents how to develop skills such as creativity, critical thinking, communication, and collaboration what she calls the CQ, or cognitive quotient. By encouraging parents to model dolphins, who instruct by play, exploration, social bonds, altruism, contribution, and family and community values, kids will strengthen their own internal compass and have a stronger core with a greater chance at personal success and happiness. Combining scientific research with personal stories, Kang has a soothing and encouraging tone that will appeal to many readers.
Library Journal (STARRED REVIEW)
Withinsight, professional expertise and unfailing instinct, Dr. Shimi Kangprovides essential guidance in restoring sanity to 21st Century parenting. Compassionate to parent and child, loving and reasoned in its approach, The Self-Motivated Kid ishighly readable, emotionally nurturing and intellectually satisfying.
Gabor Mate, M.D., co-author of Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers
If you're looking for effective but practical strategies to calm the chaos in your kids' lives, foster their internal motivation and truly prepare them to function successfully in the adult work - read this book! Using concrete evidence, Dr. Kang shows why Tiger approaches to parenting do more harm than good. Her Dolphin approach will have you and your kids cheering. Highly recommended!
Amy McCready, Founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time...The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling
"In The Self-Motivated Kid, Dr. Shimi Kang writes insightfully of the real lives of parents, weaving science with spirit, and embedding highly practical suggestions into every chapter. I highly recommend this book!"
Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls
Ready to give your kids back their childhood the part YOU loved? The joy? The creativity? The afternoons you still remember with such longing? If you're driving your kid to the lessons neither of you likes, instead of giving yourselves BOTH a chance to relax, play or just waste time, it's time to turn around the car. This book is your U-turn to joy.
Lenore Skenazy, author of the book and founder of the blog Free-Range Kids
"There are talking heads, parenting experts, and preachers. Dr. Shimi Kang, however, is the real deal physician, psychiatrist, maternal health specialist, and a model of motherhood and healthy partnerships. Her insights on parenting and child development are kitchen-tested recipes. The goal for our children isn't narrow achievement it's overcoming life's challenges with a balance of passion and grace. The Self Motivated Kid tells us why and how."
David R. Gastfriend, M.D., Scientific Advisor, Treatment Research Institute, Philadelphia PA
"The Self-Motivated Kid is an excellent parenting tool to implement in our daily life to help guide our children to be happy and healthy. She focus on adaptability and uses fantastic resources and examples from her own experience to solidify her case. An excellent read through and through. The Self-Motivated Kid is a parenting guide that every home should own."
Working Mommy Journal
"I think this is a fantastic book to revolutionize your parenting approach."
Along Came Kids
"Dr. Kang gives us a lot to think about. It s a good read, with eye-opening examples and many practical suggestions for incorporating some of this thinking into your own life. The Self-Motivated Kid offers a roadmap for finding a little more balance in the way we parent, so that we can help our children become happy, successful, independent, and self-motivated adults."
Daniela Duriavig, Life Over Easy
"I want you to read The Self-Motivated Kid. Unlike trendy books, I believe that it s here for the long-run. It s not a formula or a recipe or a how-to parent, but rather a roadmap for helping our children achieve a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. And really, what more do we want as parents?"
Mara Shapiro, Be Nice Or Leave Thanks
"This book conveys a lot of information and prompts considerable self-reflection. I found it a very worthwhile read. In addition to the prescriptions, there are lots of great quotations, helpful acronyms and checklists in this book. And beyond prompting parents to assess whether they re happy with the way they re parenting (and if not, to make some changes), it also provides a bit of a road map to help each of us find a little more balance in lives."
Out and About with the GeoKs
"This book really opened my eyes to the idea that balance in parenting is as important as balance in life. Dr Kang uses evidence based research to make her points about the importance of being an authoritative parent. I feel like this book has made me understand much better the kind of parent that I want to be and I know that it will very dog-eared from all my referencing as my son grows up."
Emma Finlayson, Savvy Mom
"I would be shocked if this book did not make almost any parents take a long, hard look at themselves and their schedule and the life they are leading and ask some very hard questions. What I can only hope is that parents will implement the answers."
MBA Mama Musings
"If you were to pick just one book on parenting this year, I would recommend The Self-Motivated Kid."
Motherless Moments
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